Sunday, March 29, 2009

hell is not like what you think

I was in daze. I’m in complete darkness. I can’t see a thing. How did I get here? Where am i? I stood up and started walking, hands reached out. I was disappointed, I can’t feel the wall. I’m confused. Then, I shouted for help and there was no reply. In fact, there was not even an echo of my shouting. I stopped and think. Why was there no echo and no walls? Where am i? I try to put things together. Where am I before I was here and what was I doing. But nothing came out of it. I just can’t remember.

I started to feel anxious. I was never afraid being alone in the dark, but this. This is different. There is something eerie about this place. No matter how far I walked, no matter how loud I shouted for help i knew I was alone. And that’s the scariest part. Where am i? the more I questioned ‘where am I’, the more frustrated I became. That feeling. Argh. That feeling. I don’t like it. I can’t describe it and I can’t take it anymore. Then , I started shouting and crying hysterically. My masculinity level dropped to zero. I was powerless.

My tantrum didn’t last long. Soon, I was sobbing and hugging my legs together. Waiting. I don’t know what I’m waiting for but I was waiting. Only god knows how long I waited. It seems forever but I dared not to close my eyes for even one second. I was afraid. But I don’t know what I was afraid of. There I was, hugging myself and eyes wide opened, like a prey looking out for predators, hoping to catch a glimpse of anyone. Anyone at all.

After a period of time, my eyes felt weak. I can’t hold on any longer. I was not only tired, I was hungry and thirsty too. Fasting was nothing compared to this. It’s as if I was about to die and at that very moment I was relieved. I thought maybe to die now is a good thing. I don’t have to suffer anymore. to die was the last thing I used to wish for but during that very moment, to die is like the route to heaven.

Suddenly, I heard whispering. I stood up quickly, alert, trying to find out where it came from. Then, I heard it again. I heard like a lot people were whispering but I cannot catch what they were saying. I called out for help but no one answered. I ran towards the sound but after running for a while the whispering stopped. I stopped too. Quiet. Everything was quiet again. What is this? Is this some kind of joke? The whisperings gave me hope. There must be people here. They should know where is this place and why am I here. I started walking. Slowly this time trying not to be heard.

Then I heard giggles. It soon burst into laughter. From the sound of it I knew it was a mean laugh. The laugh when we ridicule people or when we say serves you right. It won’t stop. I’m starting to feel irritated. Who are they? Why are they laughing at me like this? Are they the one responsible bringing me here? Argh! My ears! My mind! Their laughter just won’t stop. I closed my ears, as tight as I can but it’s in my head now. I can’t stop it. I’m going berserk.

STOP! JUST STOP! I shouted and everything went back to silence. I looked ahead but everything was as dark as a cave and as silence as a grave. Creepy. Something was wrong. I was confused. Where are they? How can they hide so fast? Are they playing hide- and- seek with me? I’m certainly not in the mood to play. I just want to go home.

Home. The word keep playing in my head. Where are my parents, how are they? I can hardly remember when was the last time I went HOME. It struck me then, maybe this is my punishment. Maybe god wants me to deserve this. Maybe I’m in hell. The silence, the darkness, the loneliness. this is definitely hell.

The next thing that happened was dazzling. Suddenly, burst of white light was all around me. My eyes were blinded and I close my eyes. While I was closing my eyes I heard the chirping of birds and the wind was blowing onto my face. I was curious so I lifted up my eyelids and to my surprise I was lying on the college field. I looked around and I saw a few kookaburras on the tree branches. The leaves were swaying and making a whispering like sound. I let go a sigh of relief. It was just a bad dream I told myself. I then walked back to my hostel in confusion. How I happen to be lying on the field is still a mystery until today.


Above is a story that I made up. It’s not real but I hoped you can feel the feeling I was trying to portray. I’m not good at writing but I really can’t find what to blog so I made up a story instead.

Did you guessed that the whispering sounds were made by the trees and the laughing were made by the kookaburras? Do you want to listen to a kookaburra laugh? Click on the video below.

what was the feeling you get? did you imagine the laughter was like this ? now can you feel what i feel when i explained the mean laughter ?

i used to write narrative essays during secondary. in exams i will only do narrative because by narrating i can decide how the story goes. this might also explain why i'm very bad at writing formal essays.
till here then.

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

KBU Prom Night!!!!

last friday was prom night and it was fun! although i became security guard but it was fun. let the pictures talk for me :P

pictures are not in order, sorry but enjoy !

Saturday, March 14, 2009

three tips on how to stay away from stress!

Sorry for the delay in posting up a post. Life is busy nowadays. And I’m not fretting unlike everyone else. I’m sorry, but to me , I’ve learned that life is more than just to fret. Busy is good. Yes it does. Think positive. Don’t make busy as an excuse to fail. Yes, I felt the pinch staying up all night and slept for three hours for three consecutive days, but that doesn’t stop me from being happy about it. I had fun! Yes, it’s stressful. It IS fun to be in stress now than before. As before this, mainly before my life in KBU, I’m an easygoing, laid-back person. Early this year, I felt stress for the first time and honestly I can’t cope with that stress in my head that are trying to blow up my brain at first. But with every subsequent dose of stress, I felt numb and i’m actually okay with it. It’s like anesthetic. I’ve learn to live with it not to run away from it. What I can say is that I have adapted in a world of stress.

Okay, you might be wondering am I crazy or what? Adapted to a world of stress???? If that is true, then I’ll be the happiest person in the world. Bullshit.

Well, it might not be true that I’m the happiest man on earth but I’m finding my way and learning to be one. The first step is to change my mind set. Think positive . I know it’s hard to think positive every time but at least try to do it, try to tell yourself maybe it’s not a bad thing after all. Maybe it’s a good thing. Even though when there are times you know it’s a bad thing. But I think by keeping positive at all times , I am able to be more rationale and calm when a bad thing happens to me or when I’m down .

Secondly, my will to change. Now you will be saying,” right, another bullshit . will to change??come on. Don’t joke around.” I’ve noticed that each and every one of us has thought of change, be it to change from a lazy person to a more hardworking one, to change the spoiled clock on the wall, or to change the way you think. But all that remained as a thought. No action. Some people said it’s impossible to change; this is because their mind set is that to change means to change instantly. For example, a smoker had thought of quitting because of his friends and family tells him too. He also knows that in health terms it is killing him. But why can’t he quit when he tried? This is because he only quit for a day and he expects in one night, the desire or the hunger to smoke will banish. The next morning he woke up he realized the hunger was still there, so he said to himself: “hmph, I can’t change after all” and continued smoking. The moral here is, Rome was not build in one day. If you had made the effort to change for a day why not put in more effort to change for the next day and the day after next and the day after after next? Don’t stop until you notice a change and when you do notice a change, keep on going changing yourself even better. The process of learning and changing for the better never stops. Never.

Thirdly, it is imperative that I have a good time management skills. Notice that I said it is imperative? This means I have not acquired this ability yet which is to manage my time wisely. How I wish I could be Hiro Nakamura in the Heroes series so that I could stop time and travel to the future or the past trying to change what I did or what I will do. But I know it’s not going to happen so I need to learn and fast if not, I’ll be left behind time.

That’s all about some tips on how to deal with stress from my point of view. Although I have not achieve completely what I talked about but I know that are the guidelines I should follow and you should too!

Hopefully I did spark some light on those who felt like they were on the verge of breakdown and would commit suicide.

Wait a minute, I heard you say : “Piece of crap. Easier said than done. Donkey.” And my reply would be : “hey, when do you actually want to try to change?? “